In the past 24 hours or so I have run the gamut of human emotion...happy, confused, sad, frustrated, angry, excited, tired, worried, impatient, disappointed and overwhelmed. It seems God is working hard to remind me that this life is not under my control...there is a whole amusement park of roller coaster emotions to be experienced, even though I prefer to stay on the merry-go-round. The ups and downs exhaust me and I long for peace and answers that often don't come, at least not on my timetable. Life doesn't always get resolved by the end of the day.
In Henri Nouwen's book Turn My Mourning Into Dancing, he addresses living with hope in crazy times:
"Hope is willing to leave unanswered questions unanswered and unknown futures unknown. Hope makes you see God's guiding hand not only in the gentle and pleasant moments but also in the shadows of disappointment and darkness."
How I need that hope today, that despite the dark times and sorrows, despite the unanswered questions and unrevealed plans, God is still ordering my moments. I pray for the courage to embrace the unknown and the emotional highs and lows, because I want to see the guiding hand of God.
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